Comfort

How do you comfort a family member or friend? What words do you say to put their pain at ease? What gestures or actions do you show to let them know you are there for them? Last Tuesday, I received a funny text from my best friend something we usually do to get our work days started on a good note. Not even an hour later she called me crying hysterically, so much so, I could barely make out what she was trying to tell me. A very close family friend of hers went into the hospital complaining of a headache. The signs showed that she was suffering from a brain aneurysm. My best friend began explaining to me the news she had received, the doctors acted swiftly to try and save her life, but apparently the reality was she might not make it. As my friend was confiding in me all of the emotion she was feeling at the time, so many thoughts ran through my mind. What could I say to make her feel better instantly? What could I do to show her that I was there for her? Why did she choose me to express her pain with? Instantly after she got it all out and you could hear the tears in her voice fall to a whisper. The first words that came to mind were Pray and God. Pray like you know that God has the final say even when the doctors are telling you different. Pray like you know that God makes no mistakes. Pray that God's will be done. I am not sure if any of my words helped, but I do know that God was the ease in that moment, he was the gesture and the comfort. God was the instant pain reliever and the display of care. God was the reason she chose to share her pain with me. She knew what I was going to say before she called. There is a known fact that the foundation we stand on, the one that is guaranteed no matter the outcome is prayer and God. These two words have so much meaning and can be applied to any situation. I know from experience... Rest in peace Ms. Tracey.

A monster named "The fear of the unknown"

I first want to say I apologize for not posting as much as I would like. Life it self is such a distraction and it gets hard to take a break. Getting back to my most recent thoughts that monster we know as "The fear of the unknown". This weekend I had family come in town to visit. As much as I love my space I was happy to see them. My dad came from North Carolina and my sister came from New York. Everything seemed to be pretty normal just like all of the other times we have gotten together. It wasn't until my dad said he had an announcement to make that I felt like something was different. What could he say? He is a true spokesperson at heart he could be talking about current events, possibly something dealing with family related ideas, pretty much almost anything dealing with golf. So, I just wanted him to spit it out already. I even told him it better not be bad news and gave him a quiet giggle. He gave me a quick smirk and said "we will talk". It was then "the unknown" had shown up in my stomach and it turned my gears upside down. My thoughts went haywire, my heart began to beat rapidly as I wondered what was he going to say. My family that lived not to far from me began to show up to see my out of town visitors and to hear this news my dad had to tell us all.  We gathered in the living room and everyone was so happy to see each other. Then my dad begins to speak to get everyone's attention. He says " I am so happy to see you all and I am truly in love with my family." He begins to do his spokesperson's piece and "the unknown" in my stomach took ease, because this is a speech he gives all the time. It wasn't until he said the words surgery and radiation that I had even began listening. You can hear the swell-up in his voice as he tried not to say the C-word. Then he said it as quiet as can be cancer, and that monster we know as " The fear of the unknown" had punched me in my heart yet again. Flashbacks flew from every direction, my eyes began to water and my throat began to close on me. I quickly excused myself from the room and ran outside for air. I fell to my knees and the only thing I could do was begin praying as tears flooded down my face, I screamed at God "not again please". I eventually had to pull myself together before they sent a search party to come find me. I am not the best at expressing my pain and I don't take overwhelming sympathy that well. I washed my face and walked back in as calm as my monster would let me be. This time, this go round I am not sad I am mad. The C-word is what it is and even if they catch it in time that monster "The fear of the unknown" still has a hold on you. I love my father with all my heart without him and my mother there would be no me. He eventually reassured me that they think they had caught it in time and that with love and prayer we can get thru anything. Please pray for my dad and my family. Thank you!

Life is...

I have been wrestling back and forth about which direction to go with this blog. As much as I can talk about losing my mother to cancer and the changes I have experienced. I feel like I have so much more life to discuss. Life is real, life is love, life is pain, life is happiness, life is rainy days, life is days at the beach, life is death, life is life, life is everything. What kind of life are you living? 

Cancer lost!!!

You are gone physically, but mentally and emotionally you will always be with me. You weren't defeated, you didn't quit, you didn't give up, and you never let go. In the end you won and CANCER lost!!! #heavenneededyoumore

Strong independent woman

So my dad came to visit not too long ago, the first thing he noticed were my encouraging sticky notes I have posted on my bathroom mirror. He laughed a bit and said " this is smart and you do know that everything is going to be ok, right?" I smiled back and said "yeah I know." Yesterday while we were on the phone he says to me "I just realized that you lost your best friend when mom died." I paused for a second to digest what was said and thought to myself he noticed me. He noticed that even with him and my brother standing in the room I still felt alone. He then said "I get it now and I owe you some attention." I always saw myself as a daddy's girls when I was younger but as I got older I connected with my mother more, because I was becoming a woman just like her. And the same goes for my brother, because he was becoming a man just like my dad. The difference was my go to person for advice and understanding was gone. My dad did his best and he loved me unconditionally which was just as important, but it wasn't the same. Luckily for me my mom showed me through her actions when I was growing up how to be a strong independent woman.

Vision board : Goals inspire above the pain

What are your goals for 2016? How do you inspire yourself? What keeps your head above water? How do you live thru the pain? 

END note: Do you have God in your life?

Note to self: Encouraging thoughts

- I am determined to have piece of mind
- I have to learn to self-soothe (self-encourage)
- You are braver than you think
- You are stronger than you seem
- You are smarter than you know
- You will never be able to deal with it, if you don't face it
- The enemy has been trying to kill your ability and is using pain to distract you
- The joy of the Lord is my strength and the strength of the Lord is my joy
- Positivity is the key

My Story: part 1

My mother has always been the sweetest, most caring, most loving person I have ever known. Anyone that has ever had the privilege to meet her will tell you how much of an angel she was here on earth. This story dates back to my middle school years. A transitional phase in my life where things began to become real. Boyfriends and girlfriends became real, school work and passing test became real, true friends and fake friends became real, and even life and death became real. At that tender young age you don't even notice how God is preparing you. It was in middle school a good friend of mine loss her mother. Her mother passed while giving birth, and I remember then feeling so overwhelming hurt for my friend and her family. We were so young and my first thoughts were I would never be able to live without my mother. As we left school early to show our support for the family, my mother comforted me and had to explain to me that life happens and God makes no mistakes. Who would have thought that year's later I would have to apply this given knowledge to my life...

The Purpose

The Purpose for this blog is to start an open forum for kids and adults that are experiencing or have lost a parent or loved one to cancer. A place where we can communicate and link together. Unfortunately this disease is becoming more and more common and sometimes we just need someone to talk too or someone who can relate.